Little Neelav explains to his mommy what a family is. “A group of people that live together in one house,” he says. To him, siblings, grandparents, parents, and even some friends are all part of a family. It reflects the perspective of an innocent seven-year-old, full of sincerity. More importantly, his words speak volumes about how organically our desire to be among people and our love for companionship develop from such a young age.
Once upon a time
A scene from thirty-four years ago has remained permanently engraved in my mind. Behind the glass doors of the airport stood my parents with my brother, sister-in-law, and in-laws, straining to catch sight of us for as long as their eyes could follow. My husband and I were walking towards the gate, ready to board the plane from Kolkata to Mumbai. The next day we would be flying out to the USA, a country we were setting foot in for the very first time. Now, as a parent myself, I can stand in the shoes of both sets of parents and imagine the emotions they must have felt at that moment. Perhaps what ruled their hearts was the worry of whether we would be able to cope in a place where we knew no one.
We began our life in a city where every face was unfamiliar. The few people we knew in the USA, whether friends or relatives, were scattered across different states. This was also in the early 1990’s, when the only means of instant communication was the telephone. And as students with limited resources, we could not afford to pick up the phone and call at a moment’s notice. We had to think carefully and make wise decisions.
Choosing the family, one step at a time
If I were to go by Neelav’s description of a familiy, we literally had nobody with us. But in life, the only constant is change, and one step at a time, we began building our circle. We formed friendships with university students who were in the same boat as we were. They became our family because we had all left our homes far behind to study and were facing similar challenges in a country that was completely new to us.
In the blink of an eye, time has flown by. Those student days now seem to belong to a different era altogether. We moved forward, became parents, and raised a son, watching him grow from childhood through adolescence to the very age we were when we first began our life in the USA.
We have built a home away from home. No longer can we count the people we know on our fingertips; the family is that large. Alongside the moments of joy, there have also been life’s bumps and jolts. And in those less happy times, there have always been kind souls standing by us, supporting us every step of the way. If I were to name the individuals who had my back and helped me learn and evolve, it would definitely be an endless list.
Along our journey, we have made friends with people from different parts of the world, learned from their cultures, and formed bonds that have enriched our lives. While embracing and adapting to the country we have made our own, we have stayed true to our roots, preserving our culture and heritage with dignity and pride.
Since the time when loneliness surrounded us, we have grown into communities that gather in large groups to celebrate the festivals we cherished back home in India and in our home states. We may not be the same, but our differences have made us stronger. Here we are, proud to have a family not connected biologically but rather bound by love.
Our hearts still long for our first homes, for they are the places where we were born and raised. Every visit to our hometown is special, and no stay ever feels long enough. Saying goodbye is always difficult, yet there is comfort in the thought that wherever we go, a part of us will always remain there.
The story continues…
It is spring, and as I look out of the window and drown in the first look of the season, I reflect on something very pleasant. For the past several weekends, more than a dozen of us have been singing our hearts out. We are in a chorus group, preparing for a cultural program to celebrate Bihu, the Assamese New Year. Our vocal cords may not be equally impressive, but what truly matters is the camaraderie that blossoms in those moments of pure joy.
It has been a long journey from arriving in a country where we knew no one to finding one another and continuing to grow our numbers. We are of different shades and hues, making our unit rich and colorful. We do not subscribe to the textbook definition of a family. It is not genes or biology that bind us together but rather the delicate threads of friendship and humanity.
rashmi writes 